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Monday, 27 March 2017

WALT mark our writing against a rubric

Best game ever!

today our kiwi-sport skateboarding session got cancelled so instead we went out with room 8 and played line basketball.

after morning tea both classes lined up and went outside. we got into our two lines and started playing. my number was two and before and after me were auckland and Stanley. the number was 4 so Auckland, me, Stanley and Edith ran for the ball. No one scored but were were all fine because we knew we were gonna win. The first one to score was Arizona.

My second turn was on and I could hear my classmates cheering us on and I could feel sweat dripping down my face. We all worked as a team and no one was hogged the ball.  Amon was the first to score. We were coming back great. I stood waiting for my turn and it felt like I was a turkey roasting in the oven. Then as time came by, more people scored.

Some kids pushed in line and I was as mad as hulk but I kept myself calm and stood there silently.
We were all trying out best and Coralee scored the winning shot. It was 4-1 and we were proud of ourselves. We gave 3 cheers to Room 8 and they did the same to us. When we were shaking hands they wen'r being gracious losers because they kept on slapping us.

We were proud of ourselves and we were humble winners. Can't wait for next time!



Marking my story!
Ideas
Structure and Language
Organisation
Vocabulary
Sentence Structure
Spelling
Punctuation
R4
R4
R4
R4
R4
R5
R5
Total score (add the numbers next to the R’s altogether)
 30
My E-asttle score is … (click here and see what your score is)
 4B

1 comment:

  1. You have good detail but need to add the mood. For example, use short sentence to make it feel tense.

    Amon was the first to score. Whoosh! Dunk!

    Use more similes and metaphors to help add this mood as well.

    ReplyDelete